I'm having a moment. I'm really hoping I'm not alone when I share my feelings, because quite frankly, I'm feeling a little insane. My 7 year old, Spencer, has had his very first loose tooth for a couple weeks now. And it wasn't until he walked down the stairs a few moments ago, to show me his teeny tooth hanging on by a thread, that this overwhelming feeling of complete sadness washed over me.
You see, it was that little tooth that kept me up for many a sleepless night, caused my baby so much pain, and took nearly five months to break through. And when it did finally make its way into the light, it mysteriously went back down and came back through a handful of times before taking permanent residency in my first born child's mouth, forever robbing him of that sweet, toothless grin that stole my heart over seven years ago.
When he does finally lose it, I fear that I might as well. I feel this overwhelming need to keep it forever to remind me of that babyhood with my firstborn that I'll never be able to have again. It will remind me of the journey the two if us took together and how lost I was that first year, attempting so desperately to gain footing on what it meant to be a mother.
I know it's just another step towards Spencer growing up but it's all so heart wrenching. If only I could go back and replay it all I wouldn't feel like I am slowly forgetting what his chubby face looked like as a tot. The more I look at him, the more I see the man he's growing up to be and although I am so proud of who he is becoming, I fear that I am becoming less to him.
And there it is... the sadness.