Tuesday, December 23, 2008

North/Bi-Pole R

Christmas time is supposed to be a joyous and fabulous time. But for some reason, this year, oh wait, scratch that... it happens to me EVERY year. I get so excited for Christmas... I want to put the tree up by Halloween. By Thanksgiving I am bursting with enthusiasm and the holiday music has been in our CD player for weeks. I put the tree up, take out all the decorations and I've usually had most of my shopping done, with only a few minor gifts needing to be purchased on Black Friday.

Then it hits, depression. I don't know what exactly it is that makes me so sad, but it happens every year. It's not even a day to day occurrence, it's a daily occurrence. I can be in the most hugest fabulous holiday spirit and then boom, something happens... I feel guilty about Tony getting me presents, or I feel like I didn't get enough presents or the perfect present for everyone. A sleepy haze falls over me and I just want to go to bed and not wake up. It doesn't help this year that the snow is falling everywhere but here. Not to mention Spencer has been the snottiest this last week. And that this will be the first Christmas without my grandma. Ick. I just feel ick. That's the only way to describe it.

I feel mostly bad for Tony. He doesn't deserve my insanity. He tries hard to keep me in the positive. I kind of just want all the crazy to just be over with. But then there's the whole being on the other side of Christmas that you have to deal with. The downfall. It's like this massive buildup to what's supposed to be the happiest day of all and then what? It's over.

I guess all I can do is try to focus on the reason for the season... Jesus. He's pretty cool.


Nathan said...

Not to worry. You are not alone. It seems like the build-up is greater then the day itself. I blame myself. Always wanting the right gift, that special something that will just for one moment make everything just right. Then BAM!! Not this year my friend. Who knows maybe it was all the letdowns that were experienced throughout childhood coming back to haunt us.

kerrianne.org said...

You know who else is pretty cool?

(That would be you.)

Beverly said...

My Sweet Daughter in law: You do very well at staying "up" when I'm around you. Do you remember what Tony said when we both agreed we did the same thing at Christmas? He said, "I've learned the highs aren't that far from the lows (with us females)." You did a beautiful job at Christmas! We couldn't have asked for more. Love you!